Sunday, November 7, 2010

Drama Nerd


I'm two days into a ten day run of my first play. I am thrilled at the discovery of how much my ballet training as a kid has resurfaced like a life-long friend. I did not expect all the dance memories to come flooding back so strongly. I realize now that I was a born performer. I always THOUGHT that I was, but now I KNOW. I know it like I know my faith. My regret is that I abandoned my destiny for so many years. I wish to the heavens I could go back even just ten years and hop on this thespian train. I suppose things happen when they're meant to.

Anyway, theater is a new experience for me, having worked non-stop on films for the last two years, I was very excited to venture into a new challenge. What a challenge it has been! I haven't quite decided how to wrap my thoughts around it yet, but what I have found interesting is that as unnatural and difficult as the rehearsal process was for me, when it's showtime, I am oddly relaxed and my character seems to (finally!) have been found. I remember that I was never nervous about dance recitals either. My world just clicks together under those lights. This is not to say that I won't have a bad night, but overall, this experience has given me a new outlook on why I'm pursuing this difficult profession. Film remains my love, but the theater has given me valuable insight to myself. I am hungry for each night of personal discoveries this play is so generously washing over me. During rehearsals I thought I couldn't wait for the play to be over. Now with eight quick performances left, I already mourn the end.

Thursday, October 14, 2010



This is one of my favorite photos of my dad. With a baby goat on his friend's farm. He called and we talked about ghosts today. Apparently there is one at the Ogden Airport who has been walking around. My dad hasn't believed in ghosts before today, when he saw it for himself. Ha! Tis the season, pappy!

Surrounded By the Fight...

Well, wallah! Here's my first official blog entry. No reason for starting a blog other than to clear my mind and put more mind vomit into this technological universe that we are all so desperately addicted to.

Dave has a fight (MMA) this weekend in SLC. He hasn't fought in over a year. It's a great promoter, looks to be a well-matched fight, and he is co-main event. Very exciting and very nervewracking. Obviously, it's a fight I can't help him with. Once the cage closes and the bell rings, all I can do is pray for the safety of the fighters and have faith that if it's meant to go in Dave's favor, then it will. I always wonder how much God leaves up to the fighters or if He has already predetermined the outcome, or if He changes it in the final seconds. The only thinking that helps me when Dave loses is believing that everything happens for a reason. Otherwise, I would drive myself crazy, fists pounding towards the skies, screaming WHY?! I suppose it's not really my place to ask God 'why' about trivial things like cage-fighting. So I try not to.

Before Dave fights, however, I will be attending the premiere of a film I worked on earlier this year. That's where I step into my own ring, cross my fingers, and hope people still want to hire me afterwards, or at least don't disregard me completely. What Dave and I do, although drastically different, are so strikingly similar. Much like a fighter, actors have some excuses and scapegoats we use to camoulflage things we aren't happy with. A fighter gets bad coaching, an actor gets bad, little or no directing. Not enough notice before the fight/shoot. Not in the best shape/not the best script, not the best promoter/agent, the list goes on. Dave and I find ourselves comparing our different industry's issues all the time. How we prepare, how we self-sabotage, the constant self-doubting, the egos, the necessary networking (ahem...verbal whoring), etc. We share the same frustration of the necessary hours of training, perfecting the craft, the long commutes, the never-ending disappointments, injuries, auditions, working and training for free, the hours/days/weeks away from each other.
We also know better than to ever ask the other why they continue to do this thing that seems to be so difficult. We know that we have each found the one thing that keeps us alive, keeps us moving, breathing. For all the sacrificing and the tears and the sleepless nights, we're better off following these dreams of ours than not.
By the way, I'm listening to Marina & The Diamonds and I think it's delicious!
There's the end of my first blog. So there.